Amlokhi

People die. And they leave traces of memories with people. But how do you cope with the death of a person? How do you bring yourself to accept that someone you have known for a long time has ceased to exist?  How do you think?

          You start by thanking them in your thoughts, for all the times they came to you to help you, for all the times they made you smile and for all the times they made you cry because they were annoying you so much. You think about all the times they have loved you, held you in their arms and have allowed you to fall asleep right there. You thank them for stroking your hair every night so that you fall sleep peacefully. For all the times they have kissed your forehead and healed you. You thank them for them.

          But, you should cry when you feel like you need to. You may go to the bathroom with packets of tissues and cry your heart out over a song. You may pretend to fall asleep and turn your face away from the people around you because you aren’t comfortable with crying in front of people.  You may sit down at the corner of your bed and look out at a distant memory and have your tears roll down your cheek. You may choose not to answer anybody; to explain why you are crying. You may cry over all the good times you’ve had with that person and all the good times that you won’t.

          You must write, if you do. Take that pen and write. Let your fingers ooze that fierce energy you hold. Write away your thoughts. Write away your anger at that person leaving you. Write away your sadness. Mourn their death with your words. Even if the first word that comes to your mind is Apple. And it’s okay if you don’t write further because that word will now hold a meaning for you to always remember. That word will now always hold that fierce energy. You will never lose that. Even if you burn that book down or the paper, that word will always remain and strike a chord in your heart and soul whenever or wherever you see it. And you’ll remember.

          You may sit down and not move for a while. You may swallow your emotions down to your intestines. You may sit quiet for an eternity. You may hold them in your thoughts without crying or writing. You may, in the process, sleep. You may let slumber take you in its arms and cradle you to unconsciousness. You may lie under the warmth of your blanket, shielding you from the world. You may embrace peace while you mourn.

          Or, you may sew up them all. You may cry, knowing that there isn't any physicality to that person anymore. But you must realize that you hold every memory of them. It’s okay if you conjure a sad one to a happier one. A memory is powerful, regardless the kind. And then you may write. Don’t worry about the tear drops on the words. They will either leave a mark or disappear completely. But let them be. They are yours and yours forever. You may proceed to sleep in the arms of your blanket. You may bask in their warmth while you slowly fall sleep. Don’t worry about not falling asleep. Crying is like anaesthesia; like morphine. It heals. It soothes. It is peace.

          But know that they have always loved you. Know that you meant the world to that person. Know that they have forgiven you for anything and everything. Know that they have accepted you. Know that you were like that random word to them; know that you held their fierce energy. Know that you held meaning to their world.  Know that you have crossed their mind right before their demise. You have been an incredible part of their life. You have been loved.